If you have ever lost somebody who was close to you, you know it is always difficult. There is a void in our lives that was once filled with a person’s love, laughter, or joy. Will it ever feel “normal” again? What does that process look like?

Grief is an emotion that comes and goes, and when it hits it can seem overwhelming. In my experience, there is no standard timeline for when you will feel normal again. While some people say that after a certain time you just need to "get over it," don't believe them.

An important thing to remember is that the pain you feel, and the sadness you have over losing someone close to you, is a reminder of how much they meant to you. We are not accustomed to these kinds of emotions in our Western society, but that does not mean they are bad. The grief you are feeling is a token of your relationship, a keepsake which tells you "this was real." It can be painful, but it shows you just how much you loved them, and how much they cared for you.

The grief that you have is special, because it reminds you of a person who was special. It is sad, but we use grief to remember the special times and moments that you shared. An issue occurs, however, when we stop the process there.

This person meant a lot to you, because they impacted your life with good, positive qualities. They were loving. They were caring. They had a way of interacting with others and the world that made everyone around them smile. So when you are hit with grief, accept it, reflect on it, but then also act on it. Find one or two things that you can do that remind you of them. One or two ways that you can honour that person's memory through action. Maybe it is going on a hike just like they liked to. Volunteering to share the compassion that person shared with you with others. Or simply putting on "your song" and talking to them, letting them know how hard it is, and asking what you can do to share their love with others.

But most of all, be okay with not being okay. It is a process, a becoming. Ultimately, you do not want to be rid of grief. To do so would be to be rid of an amazing person, who had such a great impact on you. What we are searching for is living with grief, and living with the memory of that special person, in a way that allows us to move forward, without leaving them behind.